So I like to think I'm a poet...

Wassssupp?? So I am freakishly tired right now, I only got a hour and a half of sleep last night and I am seriously just dying right now. Like, I'm fine I guess, but I feel my throat getting sore and my eye lids are super heavy. I find it super funny, though, I am soooo awkward when i'm tired. haha It's cause I try and act like I'm not tired (I don't know why) and I try and crack a joke or whatever and it always is just super awkward... Oh well! :D

ANYWAYS, a little more about me, I am in love with art. Any kind. Anything that constitutes as self expression, I find beautiful. I personally am a musician (guitar, drums, piano, voice) and a poet. I really like doing covers for songs and writing new ones; maybe sometime I can post a video I've uploaded on Youtube. But I am obsessed with music, all kinds. But when I'm feeling 'artsy', I love listening to soundtracks. Like right now, I'm listening to 'Your Wife' from the movie 'Defiance' with Daniel Craig.(: Look it up, it's pretty good.(: I can only listen to music like that for so long though cause I've noticed it just really affects me. I mean, I love it! I just can feel it make me more sad about... whatever. but holy cow, it makes reading books TEN. TIMES. BETTER. so great. But like I said, I love all different kinds of music. Like now, I'm listening to 'Ride' by Lana Del Rey.(:

Anyways, I just wanted to put one of my old poems up here, it's called 'guessing' and I'm going to lay it out to where it looks really long, but it's really not. It's about a interesting relationship I had where it just turned into 'enough is enough'.

Guessing

The first day we saw each other,
you couldn't keep your eyes off me.
I thought you liked me.
        You did.
The next day, we became friends.
We gained each other's trust
from laughter and secrets.
       You told me your secrets.
Each day, we grew closer and closer.
We'd share our inner most creations
with each other and we'd revel in them.
        You reveled in my works.
I woke one day with the realization
I love you. I had not known it till
I thought you loved me back.
         You did love me back.
Later, things became polluted.
I had not known that you always were,
that you always had been.
         Always.
You never told me of your love.
Was it true? Was it real, even?
Why couldn't you just be a man, and just tell me?
         A man would have.
Finally, I couldn't take it any longer,
I confronted you, bore my soul
to you. Left it open for the taking.
         You called me... immature.
If you had not loved me, why did you let me believe?
When I made it so obvious, you let me
believe, day after long day you loved me?
          Because you did.
Your pride got in the way.
It didn't have to be like that,
we could have been happy.

           I guess not.


Well, I'm not guessing anymore.
I'm not even hopeful.
Truth is, my disappointment
          has disappointed my love.

haha well that sounds a little dramatic now that I read it, but it's how I felt.(: And I still think it's a pretty cool poem and am proud of it. Anyways, kEeP iT rEaL

<3 me

Sometimes, crap happens.

So I just want to start off by saying that with this blog, I'm not aiming for popularity. I'm not aiming to please people. I'm aiming to be real, and to express myself, and hopefully help or maybe inspire someone. That's all I care about. I will always be willing to do something, even if it's challenging or scary or 'weird', if I think it'll really help someone. Cause in the end those are the times you look back on and either regret, or are proud of. Those are your defining moments as a person. Tests of character. And everyone else will usually forget about those moments anyways. Except you. And you will mess up. But if you let yourself and are brave, you can be a really amazing person. We all have it in us. So if you're looking to read something that's all 'happy' and 'positive' all the time, and says 'just dig deep and FIND yourself!!', this isn't the place... I guess maybe I'd be somewhat promoting that, but in a different way. See people say stuff like that, and it's like... that helped me how? Like it sounds nice, but I'd rather hear HOW I can dig deep, or WHEN is this crap going to end, you know? The truth is... there are no absolute things in life, none except this: it goes on.

 And in my opinion, I don't think it's possible to 'find' yourself. Well, I do, but first, you have to create yourself. You have to see what you want; who you want to be. You get to CHOOSE. That sounds a lot more productive and inspiring to me. I'd rather choose who I am then be like, 'Oh, well I guess this is me, hope I'm making the right choice...'.Whatever. That's a waste of time. (believe me, I've been there). In my opinion, I  think it's healthy to get mad out of your mind, cry your freaking eyes out, and want to scream and throw something against the wall. You know why? BECAUSE YOU ARE HUMAN. It is your RIGHT. It's not all fun and games all the time, and you're not going to be happy all the time, so don't try to be. So I say let's talk about it.

I think the human soul is insane. The capacity we have to feel. WHAT we can feel. Hate, love, anger, jealousy, joy, inspiration, strength, weakness. It's all part of it, all part of life. And sometimes it freaking SUCKS, but sometimes words can't even describe how completely happy you are. I LIVE for those moments... On top of that, I think the most incredible and valuable thing EVER is who you are as a person. YOU. And this includes how you look and sound, not just how you act or think, because all of it is YOU. A lot of people say, 'it's what's on the inside that matters' and yes, this is true. But I heard a quote once saying 'true beauty is being the best version of you inside and out'. And this is so true. I'm always way happier when I'm care free, doing me, but especially when I feel cute too.(: haha But ANYWAYS, this is getting kinda long. Have a good one, all.

kEeP iT rEaL(:  <3 me

Hi. I'm Tayler. (:

 So... this is my first very first post.(: I'm really excited to start this blog... it'll be something new for me, but I think I'll really love it. I really don't have a specific purpose for it, I just want to... write. About anything... everything.  No limits. I'm going to write whatever I want whenever I want. Let's do this thing!(:

 So. What now?(: I guess I should somewhat introduce myself, yes? Well. my names Tayler. I'm just a pretty freaking amazing girl- if I say so mahself!(; - who loves everything about life. A girl becoming a woman. I am so incredibly excited for my future I can't even take it! I have absolutely no idea what I will do with my life, and that's what I love... I can do whatever I want. But whatever I do choose, I just want to be happy.(: <3

 I guess you could call me a college drop out, but I plan on going back. Not to 'regular' college though. Beauty college. That's the plan for now anyways... I went to Snow college for a year right after I graduated high school and LOVED it. I was actually pretty dang productive the first semester, taking 13 credits, and getting one A and a couple B's, maybe one C. The second semester, though... haha I took 16 credits and near the end kind of pooped out. I couldn't help it, what with the snow melting, a new boy(; , and total freedom... tell me what you would do!! haha Do I regret it? Heck no.  I did pass most of my classes though. As in... most.(;

Sometimes when we fail at things like that, it's easy to think of ourselves as 'losers' or 'lame', but... it just wasn't for me. I love learning, but I absolutely HATE homework. Immature? Maybe. But if I'm not going to do my homework in the classes I'm taking, why waste the money? Why not go into something I would enjoy more. I know it's not gonna be all fun and games, but I don't just want fun. I want to work. I want to be successful. I just have to find what's right for me.

Lastly- cause I don't want to make this too extremely long- like I said before, I have the hugest passion for life... I hope you'll be able to see this as I write more... I think it is so beautiful, everything about it. The good, the bad... it all shapes the person you are. And God made you the way you are for a reason, so don't try and change that. Don't be stupid, but don't try and be something you're not. Cause in the end, when you're YOU... THAT'S when you're the happiest.

Anyways... I think this is good enough for now.(: Keep it real.